This one is a tricky subject, because it can deal with two things. One part of this article deals with siblings who quarrel or fight continually, and the part two deals with children who really do have anger issues. It’s not a topic that most parents want to admit to- a child who can be so out of control that it’s difficult to deal with- because often it’s seen as reflective of poor parenting skills when this is not always the case.
Every child has a different temperament. Some are more mild-mannered, relaxed, and easy going. Others can be more high energy, active, and talkative. Then you have children that are more aggressive. The question for children who tend to be more aggressive is: What is the root cause?
The Root Cause Of Anger
For some children, they simply don’t know how to deal with frustration in a proper context. They tend to bottle it up, repress it, or ignore it until they explode in a violent way (can be verbal or physical). They don’t know how to cope with the intensity of emotions, or don’t feel as if they can express themselves to anyone. This can sometimes happen in abusive or controlling situations as well where the child feels conformity is easier than speaking their mind. It is usually a situation wherein open, honest communication is not always permissible. Children in this situation learn that it’s better to conform than to experience the pain of being heard or explaining themselves. Emotions, in this case, are to be controlled at all costs, and public displays of anger in any form are frowned upon if not dealt with harshly.
For other children, it may be an acting out to an issue that they feel hopeless over. There may be a bullying situation that they can’t deal with in school. It can be due to wanting attention from parents and acting out is the only way to get it. Anger also tends to mask hurt, fear, and rejection.
Children can also mimic what they see in their parent(s). Parents who are aggressive tend to have children who behave in a similar fashion. Parents who explode verbally and physically often have children who use the same coping technique. They simply don’t know of another way to deal with their emotions.
Then there are the children who express anger when boundaries are enforced. There is something inwardly that is rebelling against control. It may be absent parents, lack of structure, lack of rules, or lack of discipline. They may be angry at their parents and tend to lash out. They may feel that the parents favour one sibling over another. It can be a myriad of reasons.
Then again, it can be a demonic oppression– especially when the behaviour has a sudden onset with a completely unknown cause. In this case, there is no why, just a marked change in behaviour.
The child who exhibits violent, uncontrolled anger directed at either siblings or parents would probably need more of a counselling atmosphere. Whenever their is danger in the house, or fear of being hurt, the safety of others must come first- and there are cases like this.
Deanne Williams will discuss how to help your child overcome anger issues and generate a calmer atmosphere in the home. She will discuss how to prevent the child from taking out their anger on siblings both physically and verbally. She will also delve into the reasons why some children display angry or violent characteristics, and what resources are available.
Should you be concerned if your child is continually angry? If so, to what level? All of these questions surrounding childhood anger and anger management will be answered in our upcoming issue of Faith Filled Family Magazine available on July 26, 2018!