Most people are under the false assumptive that a controlling personality is easy to detect in a relationship. As anyone who has ever been in a controlling relationship can attest to, control is gradual and builds up over time. It is also from a person that no one would suspect, and the personality usually follows a Jekyl-Hyde type of characteristic.
Controlling/Abusive personalities are usually one of the most charming people that you will meet which makes them the least detectable. They are charming and accomodating to others, yet can be verbally vicious at home. The true tell-tale of a controlling individual can be found no further than the unspoken actions of their family.
The effects of control on the marriage are devastating as the spouse slowly looses both identity and control over their own decisions. They regualarly engage in circular reasoning with their spouse which causes them to begin to doubt their own capabilities because often verbal barrages are accompanies by words of “general concern”. The message becomes, “I say these things because I love you and want the best for you. So you need to listen to me, not challenge me.”.
Most spouses become withdrawn, socially isolated, and never offer their own opinion. They look to their spouse or defer to their spouse for answers out of fear of an inevitable argument. The spouse often orchestrates what can and should be shared in conversations, and go so far as to script responses.
Control isn’t uncommon in marriages, however, it can be a precursor to various forms of abuse. You can break the cycle of control, but it is not easy, and the result can go either way.
Find out whether or not your spouse is exhibiting control in your marriage, and what steps you can do to safely break out of this cycle. Divorce is not the inevitable conclusion for this type of situation, but may be if you are in danger.
Find out more in our next issue coming out on December 27, 2017.Click here for reuse options!
Copyright 2016 Faith Filled Family
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