One of the most saddest phenomenon in a marriage is when couples simply drift apart. Drifting apart in a marriage is never sudden– it’s always gradual- and you never notice it until a chasm has developed between you and your spouse.
What Happened To The Marriage To Cause This?
The causes vary. The most common is probably tied between neglect and time invested in children (which ties into neglect, for the most part). Neglect occurs when we fail to spend quality time with our spouse and invest in our relationship. It’s a “taking your spouse for granted that they will always be there” type of phenomenon. We assume that when we get married, that our spouse is there for life and will not leave. While this type of commitment should always be the case, when we don’t invest time into our marriages, we make our spouse vulnerable to attack from outside influences. Loneliness, isolation, craving affection, and little interaction/romance affect a relationship. They can generate distance between spouses so much so that when a person enters in who has that characteristic that your spouse is missing from you, temptation can become an incredible force. Satan will play with your spouse’s mind, and sometimes attachments can form very easily, and sometimes, unnoticeably.
Children additionally can create distance in a marriage. While children we created to enhance a marriage, when everything is focused on them we lose the intimacy we have with our spouse. Too many extracurricular activities, little time with your spouse, and all of your focus being on the kids creates a distance. This distance is never noted until the children leave the nest. This is when spouses turn to each other and either reconnect, or begin to see the other as a stranger.
Another form of this is staying together for the sake of the kids, in which no one really wins. Couples who give up on the marriage tend to argue more out of dissatisfaction, and the home becomes a battlefield. The end result is an unhealthy atmosphere, and the risk to the children is a perpetuation of a poor example of a marriage. If we want the best for our kids, then we need to show them the best example. Or at least teach them through the poor ones, when possible.
So How Can You Tell If Your Marriage Is Headed Towards This State?
Ross Thompson will guide you through how you can tell when your marriage is beginning to distance itself and how to reconnect with your spouse. The first step is really a concerted effort and desire to reconnect for the purpose of fixing what has been broken. It takes time, and don’t be discouraged if things aren’t perfect in a short amount of time. Differences in behaviour aren’t always noticeable right away- especially if your spouse is harbouring bitterness or resentment towards you. They need time and space to work it out, but eventually they will notice a difference.
Additionally, Ross will teach you how to rekindle that lost passion, and how to strengthen your marriage through prayer.
Your marriage is too important to leave up to chance, and your spouse is too precious to be neglected for any reason. The best example we can set for our children is to show them what a strong relationship looks like. It will increase their self-esteem, sense of security, happiness, and set them up for strong, healthy marriages themselves. It’s hard to be in a marriage that is struggling, yourself. However, it’s worse when you see your children experiencing the same thing.
Learn how to strengthen your marriage in our next issue coming out on February 26th. Then, let us hear of all of the testimonies of God’s goodness- you may end up blessing someone!