The subject of anger contains many dynamics. We have situational anger (anger at a situation), misplaced anger (anger taken out on someone perceived as “safe” who is not the cause of anger), those with anger management issues, and those who have a spirit of anger in operation. It has many causes, and can stem from a variety of sources- one of which can be demonic in origin. It is up to the individual and God to be able to discern the source of discontent, and reveal the origins… otherwise we are just treating a whole host of symptoms, but never uprooting the disease.
This type of anger is probably one of the most destructive to a marriage, since it can take many twists and turns. It is the inability/refusal to deal with the source of discontentment in its proper place and venting on your family. The home should be a place of peace, tranquility, and refuge where a family can enjoy each other. It should be a safe place wherein its members can speak freely and relationships flourish.
Ever noticed that one person in a bad mood effects everyone around them? Angst brought into the home changes this dynamic really quickly. It can be felt, it seeps in, and even if a word isn’t uttered, it sets off a chain reaction. Sometimes fear is initiated, avoidance, or aggression. Misplaced anger isn’t two adults talking about the challenges of the day and working through it. This type of anger is often called the “kick the cat” syndrome: The husband yells at the wife, who is short with the kids, who squabble between each other, who shout at the dog who chases the neighbours cat…. You get the picture.
While it might seem humorous, and we have all been guilty of it in some fashion, it can be particularly harmful if it is habitual. If a spouse continually comes home in a bad mood, it breeds fear and stress in the home. The family never knows whether they will be confronted with “happy” dad/mom, or “angry” dad/mom. Worse yet is when we belittle our spouses, or use them as our verbal “punching bag”. This type of verbal “spew” is common in individuals who are very passive in the workplace or with others, have low self-esteem, and cannot assert themselves. They take on a dominant personality at home where they feel they are allowed to freely express themselves. Unless boundaries are set, this behaviour will continue to manifest until it is ended- for good.
Brenda Stapleton discusses how misplaced anger effects the family, and how to deal with daily tensions being brought into the home. She will define what is just a bad day, and how to discern whether this has become a habit in a person.
Brenda talks about how to bring it to a person’s awareness that a problem exists, how to achieve peace, and how to restore balance in the home once again.
This feature and more in our December issue of Faith Filled Family Magazine coming out on November 26th, 2018.