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Should We Lie To Our Spouse to Avoid A No-Win Argument?

A wife sincerely asks her husband, “Do I look good in this outfit, or does it make me look fat.”

Translation: I’m feeling bloated, and I want to make sure that I don’t look fat/I hate the way I look/ I feel fat/ I want to be assured that I look good (not fat)

Women are being constantly bombarded with images on how they should look, and continually feel as if they don’t measure up.  We can feel “fat”/bloated and it can, conceivably be all in our heads.  For women, you never know what clothes size you are, because it depends on the cut/design/designer.  Every garment is designed differently for different body shapes.  You never know if you are gaining weight, becuase clothing sizes vary greatly.  Furthermore, we want our husbands to find us beautiful and to be attracted to us- even as we age.

The husband seriously is like a deer caught in the headlights.  He doesn’t know what to respond, as several scenarios pop through his head, and he is rapidly searching for a correct response.  Truthfully, he doesn’t know what to say that isn’t going to erupt into an argument.

What Is Going On In His Head: If I say no, you look beautiful, it may avert an argument.  However, it could backfire if she feels like she’s fat or if she thinks the clothes don’t look right.  If this is the case, then she will accuse me of lying or placating her. Lord, how do I answer this one????

Husbands often find their wives to be attractive, so it doesn’t hugely matter to them what they wear.  Most feel ill-equipped to give fashion advice anyway.  If the outfit isn’t flattering, most husbands are apt to say nothing because they don’t want to offend or hurt their wife who may be battling with her self-image…  They also don’t want to be yelled at either.

Most men know from experience that even if they try to say something flattering, and their wife feels bloated, then she may turn on him when he is trying to be helpful.  Unfortunately, even though a husband may mean well, the words don’t always turn out the way he meant to say them or what she wanted to hear.  Also, even if they were, she still may become angry anyway when in reality, she is displeased with herself for whatever reason.

So What Does He Do?

All that is running through his head is, “Say nothing, say nothing.  Look for an excuse.  Look for a way out.  There is no right answer.  Leave right now.  This isn’t good!!!  I know where this conversation goes… Retreat!”

In the silence, his wife taps her foot looking impatient while waiting for an answer.  She wants him to tell her she looks good, but at the same time won’t accept his answer either because she doesn’t know whether he is avoiding an argument, or being sincere.

So what happens?  The inevitable argument in some way, shape or form.

Sound familiar?  There is a common joke that men should only say what their wives want to hear.  Most men tell others, “Just shut up, and say ‘yes, dear’.  That’s how you stay married.” Yet we see the result: Is he being truthful, or lying to get out of an argument?

Furthermore, is the response biblical?  What would Jesus do?


Should we be honest?  Is there a way to be honest without an argument?  It all boils down to communication, and the way it is being received.  Our next issue will discuss the issue between both sides and work on the root causes of this conversation.  We will teach you how to navigate through it.  Although your spouse may not like what they hear, or that you may disagree, they will know that you are being truthful, and you can work out other issues honestly from there.

Our January issue comes out December 27, 2016


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About Michelle C. Danko

Michelle Danko is the Editor-In-Chief for Faith Filled Family Magazine.

Satan is destroying families at an alarming rate. More and more marriages are ending in divorce and children are reaping the negative consequences of this trend. Michelle believes that our first ministry is to our family, and that everything else flows from that.

Michelle has a passion for seeing families live victoriously in Christ, and she doesn't just write about a life with God, but she lives it as well.

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